Everybody comes across difficult people, either at work, at home or within your own family. What is that best way to deal with them ? And why are people sometimes so difficult ?
When we look back, it started early in our child hood. You might remember in pre-school little John that always hit everybody, and he became slightly less difficult when pre-school teachers re-directed his behavior as the “loving John”.
In elementary and high school we had all our share dealing and learning about difficult people. There were the classmates that took your homework away, friends that talked about you behind your back, teachers who were unfair, parents who would not let you have privileges that your other friends had.
We survived all these experiences and became adults believing we had learned how to deal with them or had surely outgrown these annoying people. But now we realize, there is people like that still everywhere.
Can you identify the ones that are:
All talk and no regrets, never on time with anything, the wonderful person who can’t get anything right, Mr. or Mrs. Negative, I know it all better, been there – done that type, the gossip person, my way or the highway, the back stabbers, the power grabbers, the passive aggressive types.
So how do we handle all this difficult people in our live? One of the main things I learned about myself, I can handle them better when I really know my values, what is important to me, what I really believe in.
You can ask yourself:
What do I value? What are those words that define what I stand for? What words do I live by? What is truly important to me ?
Clarifying your values will give you a quick check on your level of frustration with a client, customer or co-worker. And it can help you to understand the range of values that can be important to others.
You shape your approaches to dealing with difficult people based on who you are, your personal belief system, your personal values, and your preferences, how you energize yourself, how you prefer to make decisions, and how you like to operate with respect to your decision processes. This information allows you to bring more depth to your understanding of the conflicts and difficulties you face. You can use this information to avoid difficulties in some cases, and to gain a clearer understanding of how to pursue your needs in other situations.
It is not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.